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what do you want from me
please read all of this
well i have been meaning to write one this but i was hoping to be in a better mood. Well since im not going to be sleeping now i might as well do this while i do my homework. I don't understand what you want from me, try my best, my hardest, everything i do is for us. I have never been on such a emotional roller coaster. I feel like im on the top of the world and i can do anything to fucking wanting to kill myself. I try to do everything i can for you. Call you in between my classes call you when i get home call you when i wake up. None of it seems to be doing anything. I ask you call me when you get off you don't than you go and write on of this. fuck im the one that shuts down and doesnt talk about things. you dont understand how fucking shitty i feel when i go on here and its just bad news and it makes me feel like a shity fucking piece of shit boy friend. im fucking shaking right now im so upset. I honeslty feel like i do everything i can for you. I dont know what you want to say, "im sorry''? well i kinda fucking cant cause your phone is off. I never make fun of your beliefs and what i said you took it the wrong way. Shit and im sorry about what MIke said I dont know what he said though but next time i fucking punch him, is that what you want? I know im being over dramatic but im sick of coming on here just to read something shitty.
I wish you could just call me and just talk to me.
I dont care about the NIck and Mac thing or the Chris thing. I havnet thought about that unitll now but i sitll dont give a fucking shit about it. I know you dont care about them the way you care about me. Thank you for writing chris you have no idea how happy that made me to read. The last few nights you have been getting made at me for nothing. You thought i called you devon i didnt! and you hung up on me. You thought I was making fun of your religon i wasnt. I wouldnt do that i know what it means to you. I try to keep an open mind to everything. I like to learn new stuff i like more information. I do like going to your church and learning stuff i dont know why you dont believe me. But if you dont think something is right or you dont believe in it its automaticlly wrong or stupid or not as good.
Yes i am in college i party i drink. Not even close to the extent i use to. why because of you. I use to go out party and drink until i blacked out. i dont like doing that anymore. I havent gone to a party outside of my house since the first week we moved up here. im mean sure since i go to chico state the party school it must not be that hard. Taking 7 classes 18 units its nothing compared to other schools right? Well i still find it pretty fucking hard at times. I understand that you live in stricter rules and that you cant do allot of things. and im soo great full for everything that you do do. one thing that has been bugging me is you not being able to come up here. i know that you probably cant or wont beable to but it would be awesome if you could just ask your mom just ask. the worst thing she is going to say no which you should already expect but it would just show that you want to see me a little bit more. i know that sounds shitty and selfeish and its true. I jsut want you to come up here so i can show you why i love chico. i understand that it wont happen but just asking your mom would make me so much happier. she can come to i dont care i just want to see you.
okay your probably pissed, really pissed
now im going to write the part ive been wanting to write all week. been to busy though.
ugghh
Love. Love. Love. je t'aime♥;ich liebe dich♥;я тебя люблю♥;το ι κουλουρίασε τους♥;te amo♥; (yeah i stole it from you page) no matter how you said it doesnt mean anything if you have no one to say it to. Its a word i thought i wouldnt say to any one except my parents and that still felt weird. love is connected between the two lovers happiness. If one person is un happy the other is two. because when your in love its not two hearts its one. what one feels the other feels no matter what. And what i feel with you Amy Faye Rich i cant discribe there is no word, no picture, no painting, no symbol, no star, no expression, no smiley face, no amount of flowers, no diamonds, there is nothing on this earth or anywhere that fully discribes or even gets close to how i feel about you. Love has no boundries no rules only each other. No one can tell two people what to do or not to do. because only they know what is right for themselves. My Love grows with every time we talk, laugh, smile, walk the dogs, watch a movie, everytime i think about you, even as i write these words and even with every fight (which is happend allot latley? )-: ). because with everything that we do it just reinforces how i feel about you. I want to travel with you, i want to see every place i go to i want you to be right next to me, i want to go through college having someone i can talk to and test them on crazy facts that no one should know anyways, i want to be with you. Everyone gives me shit because i have a girl friend and they think im missing out on the "college experience" but they are the ones that are missing out. They have no idea what they are missing out on. having someone you can tell anything to no matter what it is. Waking up every morning knowing that you love me with all of their heart instead of not knowing what I did last night. Instead of having college hook ups and not having anything to come home to i get to come home to you and no one else gets to and that is worth it. The real reason i applied for a new credit card yeah it was for a new computer but also because on July 11, 2009 i want to take you somewhere any where and i want to be sure ill be able to do it. I dont want money to get in the way.
I thought that was going t be hard to right and well i was....wrong. because thats how i feel about you Amy all the angry non-sense was allot harder to write than how i really feel about you.
Im sorry for making fun of you I honestly dont remember doing it. The last time i thought about the Nick & Mac was on my birthday. Amy I'm im over it im over the chris thing. if i said something im sorry i didnt mean to. I hope you believe eeverthing i wrote. I love you so much and if we were to brake up well i know exaclty what i would do and i dont like it. I want to be with you ONLY you Amy. When im like this im so sad i have never felt this low but when im with you all of the sadness, anything bad just disappers and its gone. I know it sucks that we live in different towns and its only going to get harder for 4 years but after that it will get better so much better.
You know when we are together no matter what it is nothing can seperate us. there is something there so strong so powerful it cant touch us. if its from wrestling in your living room to my bedroom ;-) it cant touch us. But as soon as i come back up here it just falls to shit. Im willing to go through with it and put up with the fights because i know it will be worth it. I know that you are what i want in my life. I will sell my caaa...umm well maybe my computer to be with you :-). every morning and every night i pray for you Amy i pray that you will have a amazing day and amazing dreams. I dont know who im praying to im just praying (maybe to santa clause) You are the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last thing i thinnk about when i fall asleep.
I do not want to have to go through this alone i know that. and if you dont want to be with me fine i dont really understand why not i think im pretty freaking sweet. so actually it would be your lose. :-)
plus i would have to take back what i told my brother today,
that I love you.
just please call me and talk to me for now on. yell at me if i dont listen.
I still love you that never changed.
well now i get to read 30 more pages hey at least its only 4??